Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
