Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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