Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
