Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
