Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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