Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize