i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
