do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
