Having a random hookup so left but love u
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
