I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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