This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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