I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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