So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
