i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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