I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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