life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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