so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
