if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
