Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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