She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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