so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
