Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
