That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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