i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Little spoons don't ask big questions
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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