There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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