Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
