I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
