i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
