I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
