Your tits are I can't wait for
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize