I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
