Acid is not a monday night drug
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
