I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
