I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
