she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
