I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
