I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
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