So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
