have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
