do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
