What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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