I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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