I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
