He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
