...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
