yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
