with your own penis?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
