Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
