I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
