I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
