Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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