Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
