I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Fuck appropriateness.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You need Xanax blowdarts
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
