I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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