I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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