She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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