He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize