nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
