I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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