if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
