I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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