names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
