I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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