I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
