was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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