i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
