At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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