Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
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