she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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