you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Drunk is not a location!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
