our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize