First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm just crazy horny about you
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
